Elvis McGonegal

Am just listening to BBC Radio 4 and heard this phenomenal voice read out THE poem of the lockdown era – it certainly has spoken to me!

The show is My Name Is… My Name Is Elvis

Elvis lives in Stroud in Gloucestershire. He makes a living performing poems to a paying audience who sometimes also buy his books.

But Elvis hasn’t seen a real audience since Burns Night 2020. As lockdown two begins, he seeks advice on how to carry on. Funny, uplifting and filled with his trademark verse, this is the story of a man, his charismatic alter ego, and his cats.

With contributions from Mrs Elvis, plus Luke Wright, who did 100 online shows in 100 days; Lottie and Miles from the Prince Albert pub, home to many raucous nights in Stroud; and the producer Frank Stirling, who explains the joys of the virtual audience.

BBC Radio 4

Visit his poetry and comedy website HERE

The poem was written the night before the second U.K. lockdown.

What Did You Do In The Plague Daddy?

I did not bake sourdough bread

I did not learn Greek or read “Bleak House”

I did not feel the burn doing “bouncing bunnies” with Joe 
“The Body Coach” Wicks

I did not sing Bobby McFerrin’s 1988 hit “Don’t Worry Be 
Happy” in an a cappella zoom choir

I did not crochet my own crockery while watching Kirstie 
Allsopp’s “Keep Crafting and Carry On”

I did not clear out the under-stairs cupboard or the 
Augean stables

I did not bake banana bread #nomnom

I did not take up calligraphy

I did not tattoo a rainbow on my forehead

I did not Zumba in the street 

I did not put on a puppet show of Marcel Proust’s “A La 
Recherche du Temps Perdu” 

I did not play be-bop jazz on my mediaeval crumhorn

I did not increase my emotional bandwidth

I did not knit Greek sourdough bread  

I did not livestream myself Riverdancing with a sourdough 
baguette stuck up my arse in front of my beautiful bookshelf 
crammed with important, contemporary literature secretly 
chosen for the colour of the books’ spines which when 
arranged alphabetically form an exact reproduction of a 
Mondrian painting

I did not embark on a journey of self-discovery to un-map my 
life and acquire the tools to optimise my spiritual development, 
sharing my enhanced consciousness with the world by talking 
in an upward inflection

I did not podcast

I drank gin in the garden. In my pyjamas. With the cats

by elvis mcgonagall, june 2020


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